Do you still love me?

These days, you're not talking too much. Well, at least not as you used to be. It seems like you avoiding me. Probably because of you mad at me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm being too clingy and needy. I tried not to be. But I just can't. I don't want you to be mad at me. I miss you so much. So, I listened to all the voice messages you sent to me especially the one that you sent on my birthday. I cried whenever I listened to it. I love all those things you said to me. It's beautiful. I just miss you so much. Are things between us are getting better or it's just the same? Do you still love me? Because if you don't, you should let me go. You should not let yourself suffered because of me. I have feelings too, sayang. I'm sick of getting my hopes up for nothing. I kept asking myself if I'm okay. Can I endure these feelings? I don't know. I don't know the answer or maybe I pretend not to know the answer. Maybe, i keep denying myself. I keep wanting more of you and the more of you that I want, the less you want to give me yet I can't stop. I get desperate, distant then clingy all over again. The more you push me away then the closer I want to pull you in. I think it's the same vice versa. it's just a constant tug-of-war between us, you want less or I want more but we never wanted the same thing at the same time.

We've never tried to talk about how I feel about you or how you feel about me, we don't do much of that, we never have actually. We've never been good with words, we fight and we make up. Ugh! Why must it be so hard to get over someone? I do love you but I'm confused. Where are this relationship going to be? I know, we're not going to marry yet but I don't want to waste my time with the useless and emotionless relationship. I date to marry not for fun. Tell me, do you still love me? We had closure before when you said you want to break up. I seem so happy. Remember? Well, I'm not happy. I'm hurting but I'm ready to let you go. I want you to be happy without me but you insist to give us time. I accept. For a while, things were going really well then it happened again. You should let me go when I'm ready because right now. I know I won't be ready to live without you. Don't you get it? I loved you too much. I felt like I could trust you so I did, I welcomed you into my life and my space. Share with you my darkest secret. I didn't think twice about it, you made yourself comfortable in the voids others had left behind. Before you came along, I felt empty, I didn't think much about myself. I hate myself so bad.  I wanted so badly to love myself more but all those memories hurt me. I was broken. I was so dumb. Maybe, I regret for letting you in or maybe I'm not. I don't know. Life sucks.