Instinct

You never changed for me, even though you knew what you did that hurt me because I told you multiple times. You knew I wanted you. I told you I was in love with everything about you and I meant it. I was willing to love all your flaws, your weaknesses, your mistakes and all of the things you didn't love about yourself. I was willing to be there for you on all of your bad days and your sick days. I give you my entire heart, I wanted to give you all that I possibly could but you were so good at proving me wrong and this happened over and over until I realized it hurt me more knowing I wanted you when all you do is cursing me. You could hurt me so many times but I'd still come back to you. Running towards you. I know I'm a fool. That's the thing I hate about myself the most. When I fall in love, I fall too hard. Ignore all those freaking red flags. But that's exactly when you know you really like that person when you can't help but smile every time you talk about him. When he's the first thing on your mind when you wake up. When you started making excuses on how he hurt you. Pathetic isn't? My friends used to ask me why I always love the wrong ones too much. I don't know either. I know you cheated on me. Well, I may don't have any proof yet. I can feel that you're hiding something from me. If something feels off, it is. You know what, if what I'm guessing is true. Please just tell me. I don't mind to let you go. I don't settle for a cheater but please don't lie to my faces. Don't act like you cared about me and then curse me whenever you want. I have feelings too. There's a quote saying "you don't need to have sex to be a cheater. Once you start hiding text messages, lying about where you're going and who're you talking to, you're already on your way." I know I was a damaged person before I met you. My life was chaos. I know you feel burdened with me even just a little bit. I'm sorry if I ever make you feel that way. One thing that I realize is I end up in a toxic relationship because I don't stand up for myself early even the red flags occur. I let it slid because I fear to lose a companion. I was so disrespectful towards myself. I let you manipulate me, thinking it was my fault. I was so tired of getting hurt by you because you were the one who made me happy. You could curse me as much as you want. You can call me all those freaking names; babi, cibai, celaka, bodoh and all but you will always find me come back to you. I will always am. Will always be a loser and stupid.