Cheating

Today, on 30/7/2020. You get caught cheating on me. Just right after we go out for a date and just like that my world just shattered. I'm not surprised. I already expected this thing would happen sooner or later. I just don't have any proof yet. But now, I don't know what to feel. What to do. I feel so numb, helpless and empty. Is this normal? I can't eat and I can't stop crying too. I'm at the lowest point of my life. There is no worse way of drowning than in unspoken words. Everyone keeps telling me "zatie, you're beautiful. You can find someone way better than him", "You have so many potentials in your life, please don't waste to a guy like him", "zatie, you can find someone else in a blink of eyes. Don't look at him. It's not worth it". The problem is, I know. It just I refuse to do that. The feeling is still there but I hate when I know he did that to me. The things that I can't forgive. But somehow, my heart still aches for him. They said, giving up is easy. Well, it's easy to say than done. It's like letting go of everything that's been keeping me sane and suddenly there's nothing to worry about. He left me for her, not because she was prettier or because she was more loving than me. He left because he's stupid. I guess it is when he refuses to stop contacting her and unfollow her on it. It's sad that I gave him my world and this is how he repays me. I helped him doing his assignment because I don't want him to be a failure or extend another semester. I want to see him be successful, achieved all he wanted in his life. My friends told me that I should not feel sad, I should not feel unwanted, it's his loss, not mine. But can we control our mind? Can we just stop this? We can't so we need to live with all those memories.
When someone cheats on you, he abusing your trust. He destroying your world bit by bit because when a woman builds her world while being in love, she makes everything about the man she loves. I give him my heart, my soul and everything I own. When he breaks my heart, it's not only my heart that breaks. He breaks my soul too. I was devoted to him. I'm not that type of person who'll track your moves to catch you red-handed but when you did this to me. You give me a hard time accepting myself. I thought I was strong but a woman's heart is fragile. No matter how much strong it becomes it still shows its crack. Losing someone we love is not easy. Never been easy. I was shattered but with all my pieces I tried to stand up. You ruined me Haiqal. I don't know how to forgive you yet I still want you. Only god knows how mad I am, I almost slapped your face but I don't want to be that low. I just want to scream out loud. You're so full of a secret. I wonder why this had to happen, why I had to break to be whole again but then I was the one who broke my heart. Because I chose to ignore all your mistakes. I can't help myself but think. What were my mistakes? What were the things that I lack off? Why am I not good enough for you? All those quotes you post are for her right? Why I still wanted you or maybe it is because you're the only who see all of me. It's not easy for me Hakimi. I hate myself for wanting you because it is clear that your mistakes can't be forgiven. I'm worthless.